Off & On Again? He Knows What He Wants!

Published by Rodrick Bates on

Have you ever dated a man who just couldn’t seem to make up his mind about you? Have you ever dated a man who gave you vibes of being together forever, but those vibes were short lived? Have you ever dated a man who needed time away to think, then reappears as the perfect man for you? If you can answer yes to one of these questions, this post is for you. 

Let’s face it, most women hate the off and on again cycle of a relationship with a man, but most of the time women do this to themselves. Because of the unconditional love that a woman naturally possesses, a woman can gradually position herself into this unhealthy cycle only to grasp glimpses of a man’s love for an unforeseeable time frame. This self inflicting and unpredictable cycle can become daunting to a woman and usually leads her to airing out her frustrations with her family and friends, and there’s nothing wrong with that. We all have or will need someone to talk to and vent to from time to time. The off and on relationship is usually spearheaded by the man because women in general are more emotionally attached than men are, especially early in the relationship. So when a woman is having her venting sessions with family and friends, the first and biggest headline is usually “Girl He Doesn’t Know What He Wants”. 

Ladies! Every grown ass man knows exactly what he wants. If a man can’t tell you what he wants it’s because he thinks that what he wants may not be what you want. A man may not know every single detail to what he wants, but he knows how to convey those general desires. The reason a man pretends to not know what he wants is because there’s a great chance that he wants is for you to be a part of  his cycle. He knows the longer he keeps telling you what you want to hear the more time he buys to invest into his cycle. Yeah! That Off & On Again cycle that you find yourself in. Of course no man who is playing this game is going to tell you what he really wants. He’ll never tell you that he wants you temporarily because he has other women he has to spend time with or pursue. He’ll never tell you that he only wants to do this for a little while, then he has to go astray for a while. Think about this… Isn’t it interesting that the men you date always know exactly what you want but you never know exactly what they want? This is not by mistake. This behavior is very well planned and executed. At the beginning he pays very close attention to your aspirations and desires in a man, takes notes, and gives you an Oscar-winning performance. But he makes sure to only give you a preview or a trailer to show you that the potential is there for him to be everything you are looking for. 

So this is just something to keep in mind and to start paying attention to while dating. If you keep breaking up over little things there’s a great chance that he has other things on his mind. He knows you’re not stupid so he can’t just say he’s leaving for a few weeks or for a few months and he’ll be back. So he will take a very small issue and fabricate it into a bigger issue to validate his reason to exit. But no man who really loves you and really wants to be there will walk out on you because you complained about the toilet seat being up or because you asked him a simple question. You would have an adult conversation about petty things like this. But a man who has reached his cycle capacity, he’ll turn a dripping faucet into a flood so he can float out the door. It’s rare that men intentionally get caught cheating, but in the scenario of a man putting you through the off and on again relationship he will get that “Damn, I Got Caught” feeling, but this feeling is also followed by a breath of fresh air because he doesn’t have to hide her from you anymore. Not unless you accept him back and he promises you the world. And once the new woman’s cycle time is up there’s a great chance that he’ll be back in your ear saying the right things, attempting to keep his cycle going. 

Bottom line is… Value yourself. Pay attention to the early signs. If a man can’t tell you what he wants, pay very close attention to what he does. Don’t ignore the missing things that would check 80% of your boxes because he’s giving you things that check 20% of your boxes.


Rodrick Bates

I love writing heartfelt poetry and posts on relationships.