If you have followed me on facebook, twitter, or have read my bio online, you already know that quite a bit of my poetry comes from the real life relationships of others. Over the years I have received several messages online from various people. Quite a few of those messages have come from women who wanted to vent or wanted me to reflect on their relationship in a poetic way. Out of the women that wanted me to write about their relationships, most of those poems were about relationships that have lost their thunder. And that’s what led me to writing this post. From my own conversations with women, I created a list of the top 5 things that women desire from men in their relationships.
Women love when they can trust a man to be honest all the time. Unfortunately, one of the hardest things for most men to do is to be honest… all the time. A woman really loves when a man is honest about who he is upfront. A woman deserves the right to accept a man’s invite based on the truth. It is very painful for a woman to find out a man is not who he said he was, or to find out he intentionally left out some important details concerning his personal life. There’s an old saying that has been floating around on the internet for years. “A man should never lie to his woman, unless he’s surprising her.” Of course this means surprising her in a great way. One of the worst ways for a man to ruin a relationship is by lying to his woman. Some men think a little lie won’t hurt anything, but eventually, they all hurt. Those little lies add up. Once a woman catches a man in enough little lies, she starts wondering if he has any bigger lies in the relationship. MEN! NEVER CAUSE YOUR WOMAN TO DOUBT YOU! Even if a man feels like he has made the worst mistake ever and he thinks his woman would leave him if she found out. It his responsibility as a man to tell her the truth. Every woman deserves the right to continue being in her relationship based on the truth her man provides. Her choices should not be taken away just because the man she loves made a terrible mistake and refuses to enlighten her on the situation.
A lot of men think that being brawn, and physically protecting a woman is the basis of her security needs. Yes, every woman wants to feel physically safe while in the presence of their man, but security gets much deeper than a brawny blanket. Women want the protection of ADT on the outside, but more importantly, when they let you in they want security flowing back and forth between their minds and hearts. When women speak of security inside of relationships, they want to feel for certain that their man will always be there for them in every facet of the relationship. After opening herself up to love and becoming vulnerable, a woman wants to know that she can trust her man with her heart forever. A lot of men can sustain being that sense of security for a short amount of time, but most men seem to forget about the “forever” part. Not many women sign up for temporary security. That’s actually the opposite of what most women want. When a woman wants to feel secure, she wants to know that everything that falls under the umbrella of love will last forever. She wants to know that her thoughts will always be considered, her needs will always be met, and that a man will always enjoy filling her wants. A few years ago I wrote a poem titled True Man, and I remember intentionally putting what a man thought was security and what a woman wants as security, together. “He’s masculine but that won’t mask what’s inside of him. He’s sensitive to your wants, your needs, and your thoughts, but his inner strength is brawn enough to satisfy all of three of them.” True Man
No woman wants to be in a relationship and still feel like she is alone. It’s understood that most men in a real world have to work, and some have to work more than others. We all understand that work doesn’t come before a relationship, but it causes couples to spend hours away from each other. Where a lot of men go wrong is when they spend countless amount of time with a woman during the early dating stages, then complacency kicks in. Gradually, all the time that is being spent together is declining. When a man spends more time with everyone and everything else than his woman, he’s basically committing relationship suicide. No woman wants to feel like anything or anyone else comes before them. Women don’t care if their men hang out with the guys and spend time enjoying their favorite hobbies, but they do not want to feel left out. A woman that feels left out is a woman that will eventually start falling out of love. Just a note to men. Don’t forget about the time you spent building the relationship. Treat your woman and your relationship as if you’re constructing a building that will never be completed. A woman never wants to be in a situation where she has to beg her man for his time.
It’s crazy that a lot of men still get intimacy confused with sex. And just because a man can easily distinguish the difference between the two, doesn’t mean he shows his woman the difference between the two. Every now and then, every woman in a relationship would like to be reminded that they are more of a woman and less of a sex object. Every date night should not end with the man asking his woman to put on that favorite outfit he loves… (you know the rest). Not saying she won’t enjoy the sexual time with her lover, but if it always ends like this… it’s not intimacy. A woman needs balance, and intimacy is the ultimate balancer in a relationship. So men, sometimes you have to give your lady more than a show that ends with credits rolling in the bedroom. Intimacy for a woman is more like after a long day at work, giving her a massage and running her bath water. Intimacy is sitting on the love seat together while watching The Notebook. Intimacy is holding hands, soft kisses, and exchanging secrets. Women want to feel all of this. No woman wants to feel like a booty call ten years into a relationship. Women want to feel like the soft and beautiful beings they are.
Communication is huge with women. Women feel loved through communication just as much as they feel loved through intimacy. Women want a man who can express himself and do it honestly. Women also want a man who is a very good listener. A lot of men fall short in the communication department. It almost seems like the longer the relationship, the less a man wants to communicate with his woman. Communication could be just as important as time could be for a woman. If a man had a lot to say while he was pursuing a woman, but the communication level diminishes more and more as the relationships ages, it could make her revisit a man’s entire motive from day one. A woman could already have a best friend, but she really wants her man to be her best friend, per se. Especially when you live together. No woman wants to feel like her life mate has turned into a roommate.
How would you rank these from 1 to 5?